willow (and everything)
in my defense
I can’t believe they paint christmas trees at the tree farm. Not all of them, thank god. But yes, a good section were painted green – almost a deep teal. Blue undertones, like phthalo green. They look odd dotting the field of winter brown grass surrounded by their overgrown cousins. Even though we came to a real farm, in the country, in Kansas, to cut a tree with an actual saw, we were still confronted with christmas artifice. Nowhere is safe!
The thing is, I’m okay with fake stuff, as long as we’re all in on the joke. This is all a joke! It’s funny! Let me put a small tree inside my second story apartment. Let me put sparkly stuff on it and a pink pom pom on the top. December is a dark and cold month and yet now every other house in my neighborhood has twinkle lights, inflatable santa penguins, and santa baby yodas. My niece and nephew have a little elf doll named Fiddle Flop. People are making houses out of cookies. It is all complete nonsense.
And guess what? Some of us live here all year long. It’s not that different than going through life as an artist. Art isn’t all that important, but in that way it has more meaning to me than most things in my life. It is fully extra. It is inspiring and rich, but it is not curing cancer. No one asked for my art practice, yet I do it anyway. It makes me myself. It is that extra energy, making something special-er. It is wonderful nonsense: dumb and stupid and beautiful and… something!
At least I hope it’s something. I am sitting here reading my denial for unemployment benefits where it says “the claimant believed she was disrespected by the employer” which was deemed “not good cause” for quitting. My appeal hearing is the week of christmas which feels like a made for tv special or a bad Netflix original. Defending my worth like this makes me feel like a little speck.
But I did find a perfect tree. Not that this weeks letter needs to end on good note, but I really did. It is a spindly white pine with a slightly crooked trunk, not quite Charlie Brown but my mom wouldn’t approve of its bald spots. My girlfriend named it Willow. I said, “Babe, it’s not a willow.” And she said, “I know… isn’t that funny?”
I’ve complied a little list of artists I love and think you should support with your coins.
Handmade Journals by Huldra Press
Glassware and Jewelry by SaraBeth Post
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) is one of the best movies ever made and every time I watch I am even more amazed.
Crafting the Future x The Color Network are offering $2500 grants for artists of color working in ceramics. Apply before December 10th!
Sadie (my dog) ate a $30 Chewy shipment this week. She’s really doing the work.
Book I’m Reading (listening to): Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert — corny but true?????
My most listened to song of the whole year was Anything But Me by MUNA, and Spotify told me I listened to it a whole bunch of times on September 29th. Not sure what was happening, but sounds pretty gay.
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